QUIET REFLECTION
MOOD:
quiet, peaceful
MUSIC:
DBSK - you're my melodyStarted writing this at 12:48pm after my net got cut on a Tues night / early Wed morning. Hmm, I don't know. I feel quite at peace right now. It's hard to describe. It's like there's no stress on me, even though I see the terror of exams coming up. But somehow this whole day, despite studying, really didn't feel like much. I think I've been in a daze most of today.
So then, decided to sit back, and look at where I'm at, where I want to go, who I want to be. And really, it's all sort of just struck me. I have short-term goals, but my long term goals..they don't seem to be there. And I think that only now, after high school has finished that this has really stood out for me. Before I used to live every day saying "I can't wait til this is all over. Can't wait to go to uni etc etc". And then you look at it, and they're all so short term. Okay lets look at the realistic list that pops to my head:
- finish the HSC. Short-term. Fair enough, what must be done MUST be done =D
- go on holiday. Been planning this for like, a year now. Haha this too is short-term
- join dance classes. Haha this is on impulse.
- get the uni course I want. Once again, it seems short-term!
- finish the degree. Okay this is fairly long term. Considering medicine is like, a LONG program, building up to at least 7-8years++
But then the list ends there. And when I say long-term, I'm talking WAY in the future. This is like, when you want to settle down, start working. At THAT age.
And so I ask myself. Is it realistic to have such goals so soon? Is that distant dream supposed to be clear-cut in your mind?
So I asked myself "what do you want to happen in your life? what do you want to achieve?". And really, I think I'm stumbling on that question. Sure my intentions for medicine are great - I genuinely do want to give it my all, give back to the people. But is that it?
- marriage
- family
- stable job that helps people
- living in a nice house
Is that all there is? It seems rather dull no..? Maybe that's all we're supposed to do haha.
LOL gosh I sound emo, but I'm not actually. Just call it, inquisitive thinking and reflection.
I think what I'm trying to get here, is that people set so many short-term goals that sometimes they miss the big picture - the big fish in the sea. And to me, now that I sorta am looking at this big picture, I'm not envisioning it as something "flash-hot". And really, that's crucial. You look at the list comparison and you see straight away, the short-terms are so well planned. The long terms..all distant. Realistically, sure, they cant be too detailed too soon. But I feel they're LACKING substance somewhat. =x
Bah it's confusing =/ I feel I'm missing someTHING or someONE but I don't know what it is? I want fun and relaxation in life, but I also want to make the most of it.
And here's the thing, when I try and make the most of it and get involved in lots of things, at times I might turn complacent or lazy and do a half-assed job of it. Sorta get me? Torn between two things hahaha ~~
Or then again, maybe it's just me needing some sleep =p
Ahh I don't know ^^; Just my two cents for the night.
On a lighter note, Karen if you're reading this. STOP HAUNTING ME! LOL =p you know what I mean haha
- jim
